Too many times I’ve sat down to blog. Too many times I left my laptop with no words written. Let’s be completely honest, I didn’t even make it to the wordpress website, let alone log in. Too many good intentions and not enough follow through. I compose all these great posts and ideas in my head multiple times a day, but none of them make their way here. Okay now maybe all those post ideas weren’t so great or would have failed miserably in execution, but at least it was worth a shot.
Why? Why do all those thoughts and musings go unwritten? Maybe it’s that I fear rejection- that people will think that what I have to say is nonsense or not even worth reading. But why do I care? Most of these ideas are for myself, to get my inner workings out, to set them free. It’s that fear of not being perfect enough. Will people want to read? Will they laugh? Will they judge my choice of what I wore? What I chose to spend my time on? How I parented that day? I hate that in today’s day and age, I fear the harsh words from my peers, instead of hoping for their support and love. I doubt enough people have found my little corner of the internet to bring those harsh words in (the blog traffic stats back that up..ha!) so I shouldn’t even care. Instead I sit here with my friend’s Ben and Jerry and their lovely little creation called Half Baked. Seriously. For the Love. Someone needs to give them a Nobel Prize for this stuff. I need to get my face out of this pint of frozen heaven and get over it.
Perfection is not something that we will ever achieve. No matter how hard we try. The root of my paralysis in writing is my inability to accept that. We all fall short. We will all make mistakes. If you don’t take risks, you aren’t living. I would much rather fail and have lived my life to the fullest, than never fail and live a safe life. I think I just paraphrased someone famous’ quote, but ain’t nobody got time to look that up. I’ve got bottles to wash, emails to answer, and laundry to fold.
I always say that I’m going to try to blog more regularly. I very rarely follow through on that. Maybe you get a couple posts out of me at the most and they feel forced. Not genuine. Like I’m pulling for a topic. Totally not organic (and I’m not talking about produce here). I’m not going to sit here and type out those empty promises anymore. Maybe I’ll post again tomorrow night. Maybe it will be 3 months or 2 years. But all I know and can say is that……HOLY BATMOBILE. Did it feel good to sit down and write tonight. This is probably one of the most scatter brained and non coherent posts I’ll write, but do I care? Am I worried about what others think? Heck to the no. There’s only One that matters. And He knows my soul.
On that note, mama out. That sleeping wee beastie upstairs could wake up shrieking any moment and goodness knows, I need my sleep. Or this woman will be one not so wee beastie tomorrow.